Tell me one thing about when you were a child that you hated adults did. I’ll go first. When I was younger I learned very early to mold to others expectations to get what I want.
When I was a little girl, we were too busy trying to be on our best behavior (wanting to get adopted by the next foster home) that I wasn’t interested in playing with toys.
I remember first, I wanted to be a teacher so I could tell people what to do. Then I wanted to be an artist so I could create the fantasy that I always dreamed of (that forever and ever home).
But the one thing I knew about myself was that I couldn’t wait to grow up, to become an adult. Because adults got to do whatever they wanted. They could scream and not get in trouble. They could eat when it wasn’t scheduled meal time. They got to reach into the snack box at anytime. While we had to do something good to get said treat.
It was the same everywhere that we went. I was always trying to be the adult that when it was recognized I would get “adult privileges”. But it didn’t seem to matter, adults always got to do whatever they wanted.
You know what I wanted more than ever? To be an adult. Not a teacher or an artist anymore. I wanted to make my own choices. Do whatever I wanted, when I wanted to. I hated when adults were hypocrites. Of course I didn’t know there was a term for it. I hated it more than anything. I hated that adults could lie, cuss and act crazy, but I wasn’t allowed to do the same.
I think about this with my child. Am I practicing fairness? Of course there are a few exceptions, like alcohol and like gambling. But am I practicing equality with my young one. While most would say “too bad, I’m the adult”. I don’t necessarily feel that same way. I of course side with the viewpoint of the child.
What I think we should do is answer to them, on their level. When they throw a tantrum because you did something to upset them, stood down to their height and generously over explain why it is that way.
Example: I was really craving chocolate and had just finished all my chores and remembered where we stashed some candy. But it was before lunch time. My toddler saw me open it and used his manners and said “want one, please” with his hands folded as you would in prayer. I really wanted to say, not before your meal. And ha! I caught myself, I saw my eyes in his and remembered when I wanted that same thing as a child.
I kindly cut a piece in half, and said, “okay baby, because mom had a peace before lunch, you can have a piece. Mom will remember this next time and wait until after lunch.” He was happy moved on so quick, and didn’t have a temper tantrum.
I wonder if we magnified this on every tantrum, would you discover your toddler is just feeling the inequality? The jealousy? Possibly. I mean they could quite possibly just be tired too, ya know? Either/or, our children need us as an example. We need to be shiny examples for our toddlers. For standing up for ourselves, showing love, how to handle big emotions. So if we exemplify what it means to be equal, then they may have it engrained in them that we do all deserve the same chances as everyone else.