My baby Reina went to Heaven in May of 2020. There isn’t a moment where I don’t think of her and selfishly, what I would be like right now as a mother to her. I have been wanting a 2nd for sometime now. I think since July of 2019. We have only been pregnant twice, almost 3 years ago when I had my son and back in 2020 that ended in a miscarriage, let me tell you the fears of getting pregnant after a miscarriage.
It’s never a woman’s wish to say goodbye to any baby, not in utero nor out side of the womb. I begin to think of how bad I want a baby, and the very thought scares me. To the point that when I become pregnant I don’t know that I will be a normal pregnant woman, because I want to ensure I’ll be in the clear.
If I become pregnant I literally want to do nothing. But that’s not life, we have to put our fears aside and have… can you guess it? Faith. Know that it will be okay and know that what is meant to be will be. Don’t be strong for anyone else but you and the baby feeling your stress and your excitement all at once.
As a survivor of a miscarriage, we know that 1. It’s a possibility & 2. We have already had one already so we will be better mentally prepared. So you have it under your belt. But like any hurt, we will do anything to guard against it happening to us again. Which is why I chose to take some time to heal.
I needed to heal physically, mentally & spiritually. Even though people are rooting for you and your families addition. It’s okay to be scared of the “chances” and it’s okay to heal on your own timeline. We literally, don’t know the future, all we can do is take care of #1. 
The truth is as scary as it sounds, you will push through, just make sure you have the right support there for you, to lift you up and hold you in times of weak thoughts. Get out of your shell and believe in positive thoughts. Because after all that little ball is waiting to meet you too!
If you don’t have that group you thought you had and now you don’t or you are looking for separate support please reach out to myself at hello@thenounm.com. I am available all times of the day and know what its like to want help or to talk and feel like I have no one. So whether you just need a virtual hug, or some mere suggestions. I’ve got chu.
Also! I found these resources helpful!
- The fertility tribe – for an awesome group of 35k or more members who are experiencing infertility and a lot of miscarriage support.
- Peanut – a motherhood app for moms looking for companionship and support. Super helpful when I became a new mom and made new friends who didn’t judge my lack of knowledge going into motherhood for the first time, and when I was going through it with my miscarriage. There’s groups that made you feel welcomed and not criticized. I love it! Warning: can be on it for hours 😉
- Hopemommies – I personally found this resourceful, but we all grieve differently and some can find the Bible as a path. So give it a try. I’m happy if it makes you happy.
I’m happy you are taking the self-care needs of your self. You know how I know? You’re here which means you had to do some searching of this topic. Feel free to not live in fear. I am happy to share any and all resources that come available and that I truly believe have helped me and others in our community. Please subscribe and I will keep bringing that to your inbox. Thanks! Be kind to yourself.
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