While going through what probably was the worst part of your life – you have so many questions. Are they sure I miscarried?! What if my baby is still in there? Do I fight for them? Don’t accept that as an answer?? If what I passed was my baby, what do I do with my baby after a miscarriage?
Going back to my story – I couldn’t process anything mentally because of the blood – because it started over the course of the weekend and it just got progressively worse. The last thing I wanted to do was look at the evidence in the toilet or on the toilet paper. But I did. I can’t erase from my mind, what I saw in the toilet as I slightly felt what I thought was a blood clot fall into the toilet.
Before flushing, while I started to whimper ‘oh no, oh no’, I saw what looked like a yolk. Like a clear-like blood clot. In denial, I just assumed and wished (begged) for it to be discharge. I couldn’t flush. I just stared. Then squinted to get a better look through the opaqueness. I quickly ran and grabbed a ziplock to grab out of the toilet. It was in fact a sac. It was my future. I knew I wanted to bring it to the doctor immediately the next morning. I did and boy, I am so fortunate I was able to say goodbye properly.
I couldn’t imagine looking back knowing I flushed them – and not ever knowing. When my doctor told me for sure that I had miscarried and we had to proceed with next steps. I had no clue what I would do with my Angel baby.
How would I honor them? I assumed I could Google it. I assumed there was a traditional way to dispose of your baby. I mean wouldn’t it be ideal if we all came together with suggestions on what to do next? So I began my search and it wasn’t easy. But eventually, I joined a group on Facebook and found what other women did:
- A doctor asked if they could keep for testing.
- Cremated and kept in something significant.
- Let go into the ocean off of a boat.
- Prayed – then flushed as they didn’t know either (okay in my book)
- Buried in a plant that they planned on keeping alive forever.
- Saved in freezer until they could fathom what to do with them.
- Kept in a bag and placed in a special box with pregnancy test and pictures of the mom when she took them when she found out she was excited to be pregnant. (said she through another small paci that she had for when her baby was born).
- After cremation, one woman kept remains in a beautiful necklace.
- Some cultures have traditions that they sing prayers then have a proper burial.
- Most common: most women flush because often times it happens naturally before seeing a doctor and had no idea it was a miscarriage- therefore didn’t know it was their beloved baby.
Miscarriages are common but not every doctor is equipped or knowledgeable to give you all the next steps. I hope you find your tribe and people. I know I was relieved when I found others out there like me. One thing for sure is that we’re not going to have the same experience. I practice perspective and still follow those groups and still have those apps because I constantly want to remind those who are going through what I went through to know they are not alone.
I hope this helped and gave you some options on how to mourn your angel. You are everything. You are able to conceive and while it didn’t end with a baby in your arms, you are able to conceive. Do not lose hope. Be kind to yourself.
This post helped me when I didn’t know what to do next after my miscarriage.