Even as time takes its toll and we stroll forward to another calendar. After your Miscarriage – there will be certain things that trigger you. Beware that these words or days are going to be especially hard for you after your Miscarriage.
Days that make your miscarriage more real
1.The Due Date
The date you thought you would be bringing your newborn into this world holds so much significance. The reason we dwell on this one is that it’s the ‘estimated’ day your baby makes their arrival. It’s the eviction date. It’s the date everyone asks you about when they’ve learned you’re expecting. I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to memorialize on this day. The significance of the due date is not one to take lightly. Take off work that day. Do something special with your partner or yourself on that day.
2.The Day you took the pregnancy test before you Miscarried
A ton of people on this day of social media like to save this day as a keepsake to remind them of the feelings they felt on this day. The moment we find out we are making room for more love of a new family member and that there are going to be some major changes. I know people who like to keep their pregnancy test as a keepsake as well. This day can be hard for you. Or when you become pregnant again, this day will be extra hard for you as well. My post on this day is a huge factor of why most are scared to become pregnant again. Even though your biggest goal is to become pregnant again – it doesn’t make it any less painful to remember the heartache it leads to the last time you were pregnant. It changes your outlook on how you view pregnancies in the future.
3.The day you Miscarried
The memorial of your loss is a day I mourned for the angel I didn’t get to meet. It will be a day that maybe only you will have in your mind permanently. The physical the emotional aches you endured during that time are reserved for those who it meant to the most. But be prepared for this day to sting a little. Whether you chose to bring it up to your partner or a loved one is entirely up to you and normal if you do.
4.Mothers Day
This day has got to be the most confusing of them all. This goes for you – a mother who has lost – you are very much a mother even if you don’t have a child physically. You may even doubt this at times but you are as much as I am. Don’t forget this! Others who are triggered by this day are my infertile friends. I know my journey is as different as most but I don’t easily become pregnant like some. So if you’re like me this day can be especially hard as it represents so much to other mothers. Still celebrate other mommies and do something special for you as well. I think that if you’re trying to become a mother – you’ve earned a beautiful bouquet and treat. It’s hard because you aren’t getting that recognition you deserve. I hear you there.
5.Fathers Day
Same idea- you may be wishing your significant other would be celebrating just as you had. Don’t be ashamed – get him something too! He isn’t expecting it therefore it is such a nice gesture because it will come off as a surprise. But this is difficult too.
6.National Siblings Day
Maybe you are like me and you do have a firstborn or more and they were really excited about your addition and you hear about this day and you’re continuously scrolling through social media of everyone’s sibling photos. I kindly suggest taking a gentle social media fast for that day so you can skip that emotional road bump, so to speak. It isn’t easy seeing others have what you longed for and almost had.
7.Pregnancy Announcements
Social media really is the enemy if we think of it – we never used to have to force ourselves to be in others business or announcements – It used to be ‘announcements in the mail followed with an instant call to say congratulations. Honestly, it used to be more genuine than a quick like button and the occasional ‘congrats’ comment. If I was going through what we are now and someone sent that to me- I could digest it – and call when I feel comfortable. When you hear the ‘we’re expecting’ comment or read it alongside a beautiful ultrasound pic – it can feel like a good slap to the face. But yet our reaction is still ‘omg, that’s incredible, I’m so happy for you!’ but neglecting the whole thing called ‘your feelings’. It’s definitely up to you on how you approach social media – but if hearing announcements of pregnancies makes you feel down – take a quick break and come back when you feel like it.
8.Gender Reveals / Baby Showers
These deserve their own blog post but if you’ve got anxiety so bad it throbs in your chest about how you can be doing something else on that date. Give yourself the free pass, be honest with yourself and RSVP ‘not attending’ because truth be told – it isn’t good for you to show up to those when you’re still mourning or in pain. Be 100 to yourself first and you will learn to say NO more often and that my friend is the world’s secret. You will thank yourself later and that ache in your check will just disappear. Literally, Ashley’s baby shower isn’t going to make or break anything different by not showing up. Just know there isn’t anything wrong with your close ones wanting you to be there either.
Trigger days will start to fade
Trigger days will start to fade as you have more time. Faith in yourself will grow as will your insecurities. You will learn to trust again and I mean that true kind of trust. Trust that you will continue to try and you will vibrate with the highest love for yourself and you will give yourself the permission to believe it will happen for you. Time will only tell you this and it won’t come knocking, there will be whispers but suddenly you will see the changes in yourself. You will notice these trigger days were only seldom. Be oh-so kind to yourself and I’ll talk with you soon.