Am bam! All that hard work. It’s here. I am pregnant. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it came down to finding the faith that you could be a mother again. If you’re trying for your Rainbow – read this story.
People can be naive and never fully understand
This isn’t a perfect world, nor will I lead my readers to think so. So, let me start out by stating, you are everything to your next chapter and that next mountain you will have to climb after a miscarriage.
You probably were told ‘it will be okay, just try again for your next’ – ‘it will happen, eventually’. I mean I’ve heard all of the supporting-words and empathic sentences. ‘Maybe it wasn’t the right time’ probably hits the most.
BECAUSE all you want is a sign when the ‘right’ time will be. Right? Right.. So there’s no magic solution and let me tell you – the wound won’t just heal up because of someone’s words. But there will be a time where things will start to look up for you.
Trying for our Rainbow
I am a sibling of 8. Biologically, on my mother’s side. She is a struggling addict of substance abuse and more. But one thing she never had an issue with was getting pregnant. All to easy.
My sisters and brothers, same thing – really no concern there. I guess you could say with my families track record there really shouldn’t have been an issue for my side as well. But boy I was wrong. I think the thing I mostly regret through the whole process, was how easy I thought it would be to conceive.
It’s the kind of experience that I feel like I needed to be able to be empathetic to others situation. I always felt there was a reason I had to struggle in my lifetime, my childhood. That I was supposed to take and endure all the pain and suffering so I could use that pain and and share my story with those who need it the most. Hence, why I am here and talking to you right now.
I may not have struggled through years and years of infertility, but I did have to learn the meaning of being patient. Learning that it doesn’t just get handed to you.
If this is you.. You have a story you can share. Not to find pity or gain sympathy, but to share with all the others like you that, you too, struggled but remain hopeful.
My Exciting News –
After sleepless nights and hours of scrolling and one doctor’s visit to see if I was infertile. We did it. We have our Rainbow. I am pregnant! I get to do all the things maternity again. Yes, I will be a newborn mother again. I couldn’t be more thrilled and to think this is what I had dreamt for, for so long.
I remember telling my husband to take the test with me because I didn’t want to watch it by myself because I had felt so much more different this time. I wasn’t just crossing my fingers. I was more hopeful than the last and I just knew it.
We are so excited but I will tell you when you do get that awesome positive sign – you may start to scramble. Everything is much different than the last time. I think I ran to the bathroom every time I felt like peeing because, well quite honestly – I thought I was going to bleed and I wanted to race it to the toilet paper.
I mistaken every cramp as a bad sign and even observed the toilet paper in the toilet for much longer than I needed to. You don’t brag about it until you’re absolutely sure. You don’t even think of baby names – which can be so early anyways. But yeah. You can imagine. The most happy thing has happened and it took a while to get there but you are just terrified.
If this is you. I salute you. You are the same as me. We are one. I can’t help it in my humanly ways, I can’t unstick it.
Please know that I am so grateful and I obviously have no idea how lucky I am that I get to start here and share with you this great news. But I want you to know it wasn’t all sunshine and butterflies. When I announced finally, to friends and family, I said something along the lines of ‘if this is God’s plan’.
Because I am so hesitant – I did the genetic testing to see if my chromosomes were okay and of course to see if everything was alright in there. The baby is kicking and healthy as ever, if you were wondering and I don’t take a thing for granted. I trust the journey that I’ve been on and will continue to be hopeful.
My wish for you…
I hope that you read this and find the faith you’ve needed to continue on as you are and I spread all my baby dust your way. You deserve the world and more. You reading this, means you’re already such a great mama because you are looking for answers and there is no fault there. Nobody wants another negative sign, but if you get one this month. Know that I did too. Over and over. To the point where I went to a specialist and incurred no extra help or guidance just a medical bill that wasn’t covered by insurance. But it did give me a checked box. If I didn’t go – I wouldn’t have been happy.
Be kind, friend.